Blah blah, Kiss kiss
by pari106
Summary: What if Max had been in love with Zack at the time of "Blah blah, Woof woof"? Could the events of that episode have been avoided? **Now Complete!**
1. Default Chapter

Blah Blah, Kiss Kiss  
by pari106  
  
pari106@hotmail.com  
  
Code: M/Z   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Dark Angel isn't my baby. Kudos to the fathers, Cameron, Eglee, and FOX.  
  
  
  
A/N: Okay, when I first became interested in Dark Angel, M/L was my thing. It still is. But Zack's been   
wooing me ever since the beginning. Well, Friday I watched the reair of "Blah blah, Woof woof" and I finally cracked! So here it is – a little M/Z ala me. Hope you   
like it.  
  
A/A/N: (This really isn't some of my best stuff - somehow, when I started writing it, I just couldn't get the thing to flow like it should. But, hey, I tried. And it is M/Z. That's a good thing, right?)  
  
Y/A/A/N: Oh, and don't worry. This is just a break from my other story. I will be continuing with it soon.  
  
Summary: What if Max had been in love with Zack from the very beginning? What if she and Logan   
really weren't "like that"? Could they have prevented the ending of "Blah Blah, Woof Woof"?  
  
A/N: Despite the goofy title, this is not a comedy…so be forewarned. This is rated PG-13, with a   
somewhat-more-than-PG-13 chapter-whatever coming up. So heed the ratings for each chapter before   
reading.  
  
  
  
Blah Blah, Kiss Kiss  
by pari106  
  
  
  
Max had a lot of experience watching Zack walk away.  
  
After the escape from Manticore she didn't see him for an entire decade. Then, after she'd found him   
again, he'd left Seattle.  
  
Now he was walking away again.  
  
But this time Max was going with him.  
  
And she didn't know what to feel about that.  
  
All she knew was that she didn't want to leave, not now. Not like this. She didn't want to leave Seattle;   
Normal, Sketchy, Herbal. Original Cindy and Kendra.  
  
She didn't want to leave Logan.  
  
Logan watched, too, as Zack left the car and headed into the cabin. Then he turned to Max with a sigh.  
  
"He's a fun guy," he quipped, cracking a joke.   
  
Or trying to.  
  
Maybe…maybe, if by some wild stretch of the imagination, Max could convince herself she wasn't about   
to cry…maybe if Logan didn't look like he felt the same way… And maybe if she didn't know him better,   
if she didn't notice the moisture in his eyes…the shake in his hand…the catch in his voice…  
  
Maybe Logan could have pulled it off.  
  
But she was. And he did. And she did.  
  
But she played along anyhow. Because it was just easier that way.  
  
"You should see him get his drink on at the X5 reunions," she said.  
  
Logan smiled. Briefly.  
  
But then it was there again.  
  
The look.  
  
That look he always gave her when he had a lot to say…and couldn't, or wouldn't, say it. That look she'd   
gotten to know so well.  
  
Over the year she'd worked with Logan, they'd become more then partners. Then they'd become more   
than friends. He was her kindred spirit. They weren't lovers – theirs wasn't that kind of relationship.  
  
But they were still…something. Something unspecified. Something important.  
  
Something Max didn't want to walk away from.  
  
But she would.  
  
And knowing that made it difficult to even look at him.  
  
This was Logan. They'd been through so much together: his paralysis, her struggle to find her brothers and   
sisters. Logan could cook like a god, but he'd never learned when to sacrifice the rook. He loved the rain   
and he hated his over-priveleged family and he'd never once treated her like the cold-blooded killer she'd   
always been told she was meant to be.  
  
This was Logan. How could she look at him, knowing she was about to leave…knowing she would never   
see "the look" again…and not completely lose it altogether?  
  
Logan was still watching her.  
  
"You'll be okay."  
  
Max didn't know if it was a statement or a question, but she nodded anyhow.  
  
"Oh, yeah. I'm gonna be better than okay. It's how I'm made." Then she finally did look at him. "It's   
you I'm worried about," she admitted.  
  
And Logan didn't respond to that.  
  
She knew there was something wrong. He knew she knew. He was pale; his features drawn. His eyes   
were bloodshot and he looked so weak. It scared the hell out of Max.  
  
But Max also knew that Logan wasn't going to tell her what was wrong if he didn't want to. And he   
obviously didn't want to. So Max let it go.  
  
It scared her, but she let it go.  
  
Because, surely, if it were anything that serious…he would let her know. He wouldn't keep something   
really bad from her, just to protect her. He would tell her. Wouldn't he?  
  
"I'll miss you," is what he told her.  
  
The words evoked a silence that was hard to bear under the circumstances.  
  
"You could always ditch it all," she suddenly said, keeping her voice light, joking. Almost joking. "And   
go on the lamb with me. Great way to visit exotic places, meet new people."  
  
Logan smiled.  
  
"I'd just slow you down."  
  
Then the smile was gone, and Max just stared at him. 'Damn it, Logan. What's wrong? Tell me. Please.'  
  
"It's alright," she said instead.  
  
Logan just looked away.  
  
"No. I have to go back. Someone has to watch out for the downtrodden," he told her. Then he met her   
eyes again, using the words she'd used…was it only last night? "Blah blah, woof woof, right?"  
  
Max swallowed. "Right."  
  
"Besides…I have a feeling I'd be in the way in more ways than one."  
  
That look was searching now. And it froze Max in her seat.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
Even to Max the words sounded unconvincing, and Logan sighed, taking her chin and turning her to face   
him.  
  
"Yes. You do," he said simply. "Max…you don't have to hide. Not from me. Remember?"  
  
Max thought about that. About those words. She'd spoken them to him once, after their first real fight.   
When they'd first started acknowledging this friendship.  
  
Logan was her best friend. She'd been avoiding the truth around him for so long…she'd been hiding the   
truth from herself for so long…Didn't Logan deserve better? Didn't Zack? Wasn't it time to stop hiding? Soon she'd be   
leaving with Zack. Could she keep hiding after that?  
  
"I know how you feel," Logan continued. " *You* know how you feel." He shrugged. "This is your   
chance."  
  
And Max laughed, but the sound came out more like a broken sob than anything.  
  
"My chance to what?" she asked. "To spend the rest of my life on the run? Never slowing down, never   
settling in. Like Zack?"  
  
"At least you'll be together."  
  
That was what it all came down to. She'd be leaving. With Zack. It would be her and Zack. Together.   
That was the truth she'd been avoiding, the truth she'd been hiding from ever since she'd found him again.   
The truth about what being with Zack meant. About what it would mean to her. About what it could never   
mean to him.  
  
That was what she was afraid of. As much as she hated leaving Logan and Seattle and everyone there…as   
much as she trusted Zack, as much as she…well, anyhow. As much as she hated leaving, she feared   
leaving with Zack. Because she wasn't sure what she'd be leaving for.  
  
Max stared down at her hands.  
  
"Zack and I will be on the run together," she said, finally, flatly. Tonelessly. "That doesn't mean we'll be   
together."  
  
But Logan wouldn't let her leave it at that.  
  
"But it doesn't mean that you can't.  
  
"Max…you have to go. You have to. I know that, and you know that. You can't keep the life you have   
here. But that doesn't mean you can't build another one. Maybe even a better one."  
  
Logan captured her eyes in his.  
  
"Max, you love Zack."  
  
Max started at those words – those awesome, forbidden, all-too-true words. But she didn't deny them.  
  
"You love him," Logan continued. "That's an amazing thing. An amazing thing to have. Don't let it go."  
  
Max shook her head.  
  
"Zack would never understand. He'd never accept that from me. I'm his sister."  
  
"No. You're not. Not really. And you'll never know how Zack really feels unless you take a chance and   
ask him."  
  
Max looked at him. He looked back. It was as if they were memorizing every single aspect about the   
other. Making memories that would have to last them a lifetime.  
  
That's when it all really hit Max – the true magnitude of what she was about to do. She was about to give   
up everything – the home she'd known for so long now, her job, her friends. Logan. But she'd be getting   
Zack. The realization of both shook her.  
  
"What else have you got to lose?" Logan asked, finally.  
  
Yes. What could she lose? She was already giving up everything. Everything but Zack. And how would   
denying her feelings keep her from losing him?  
  
Max opened the car door as she reached over, laying a palm on Logan's rough cheek.   
  
This was goodbye. She couldn't believe it…after everything, this was goodbye.  
  
"Take care of yourself, Logan," she told him. 'Please, God, take care of him.'  
  
"You, too," he said back. Quietly.  
  
God, this was hard…  
  
Then, because she couldn't resist, Max leaned over and planted the gentlest of kisses on his lips. They   
embraced.  
  
And then Max got the hell out of there before she could start bawling like a baby.  
  
Meanwhile, she pondered Logan's advice. And hoped he was right in giving it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter Two

Blah Blah, Kiss Kiss  
by pari106  
  
pari106@hotmail.com  
  
Code: M/Z  
Rating: PG-13  
  
A/N: How am I doing? Feedback! Give me feedback, please!   
  
  
  
  
  
Blah blah, Kiss kiss  
Chapter Two  
  
by pari106  
  
  
  
  
  
That night, as Max stood near the fire Zack had struck up for them, she gazed out a nearby window at the   
dark countryside and at the stars and the rain.  
  
She wondered if Logan were watching the same raindrops falling past the windows of his penthouse in   
Sector 9. And she wondered if Zack ever watched the rain. If he noticed little things like that.  
  
There was a lot she didn't know about her brother – she realized that now. Funny. He knew her better than   
anyone could ever dream of knowing her. He alone knew what she'd gone through as a child, because he'd   
gone through the same things. He was the only one who understood what it was like to live like a hunted   
animal, and to be treated like a machine. To want to be human, but to have that humanity denied by almost   
everyone else around you.  
  
They knew each other's nightmares and each others dreams. But they didn't know much about each other.   
Not really.  
  
As children at Manticore, Zack hadn't really gotten a chance to know much about Max because there   
hadn't been much about Max to know. He hadn't known that she loved Italian food and hot chocolate, or   
that she liked pre-Pulse rock and post-Pulse R&B. He hadn't known that she tapped her left foot when she   
was nervous, or that she had a habit of tossing her hair when she was mad. He hadn't known because she   
hadn't known. Those little quirks, those little things that made Max Max hadn't existed then. Because   
Manticore hadn't let them exist.  
  
Then, when they'd found one another again, there hadn't been any time for Max and Zack to get acquainted   
with one another. It seemed like there was never any time for them.  
  
But there was time now. Tonight.  
  
Max didn't know why Zack had decided to stay the night, but she was glad.  
  
Who knew what lay ahead of them? It was still a long way to the border. This might be their last chance to   
catch up on lost time.   
  
And she wanted to know more about him. She wanted him to know more about her.  
  
Because she loved him.  
  
Yeah, it was probably pretty whacked – thinking about how little she knew about the man, and then, in the   
same breath, thinking how much she loved him. But it was true. She loved Zack. She didn't need to know   
a lot about him to love him, because she knew *him*. She knew the things about him that really mattered,   
and he knew the same things about her. She knew there was no one more loyal to their family than Zack.   
She knew he was the most stubborn man she would probably ever meet, and she knew that he viewed that   
stubbornness as a strength. She knew that he was brave and that he was smart. And, beneath all that tough   
self-sufficiency, she knew there was a vulnerability to Zack that made her want to protect him from the   
world and the sick things it made them do.  
  
Therefore it made her love him even more whenever he was the one trying to protect her.   
  
She didn't have to know a lot about Zack to love him. But she wanted to know more about him, *because*   
she loved him.  
  
She only wondered if he wanted the same thing. If he wanted to know her that way. If he wanted her.  
  
Max sighed, tracing raindrops with her finger.  
  
In the car, before he'd left, Logan had told her she should finally admit to Zack how she felt. She should   
open up to him, and see how he felt in return. He'd asked her what else she had to lose. What frightened   
her was the same thing she'd always been afraid of losing by confessing her wayward feelings. She was   
afraid of losing Zack.  
  
Oh, she'd never lose him, physically. He'd never abandon her. She felt sure in that. He was the CO. The   
big brother. He always took care of his own.  
  
But that wasn't the way she was afraid of losing him. She was afraid of losing his respect.  
  
She knew that she and Zack had argued, a lot, in the past about the way she chose to do things, as opposed   
to the way he did things. She knew he still disagreed with the way she'd stayed in Seattle, and she still   
didn't want to leave. But although Zack disagreed with the way she lived her life, he'd always respected   
her wishes. He hadn't liked doing it, but he'd respected her wishes, all the same. And Max would like to   
think that he respected her. If for no other reason than the fact that she was the only X5 ballsy enough to   
challenge him.  
  
Would he still respect her if he knew how she felt?  
  
That had been the question Max had always asked herself. She'd known that she loved Zack long before   
they'd been reunited. Even when they were kids, back at Manticore, before she'd known what love was,   
before she felt it the way she felt it now, she'd known that her feelings for Zack were different than her   
feelings for Krit or Zane or Jack, or any of the others.   
  
She hadn't thought about it then. Soldiers didn't think about such things. If she'd allowed herself to think   
about it, she probably never would have survived till the escape. Lydecker would have skinned her alive.   
But there had definitely been something different about Zack – right from the start. And, maybe it was   
wishful thinking, but Max thought maybe she'd been different for him, too. It was her bed he snuck into all   
those nights. He always seemed to be indulging her. And she always looked to him, first, for guidance or   
comfort. She was born a Manticore soldier and trained a Manticore soldier, and Manticore soldiers didn't   
have friends or loved ones or even feelings, Lydecker would have had them believe. But Zack had been   
her friend long before she began to think of him as a loved one. And long before the escape she'd had   
dreams of their being free of Manticore and all its rules and repression's. She'd dreamt that they could live   
like normal people, with normal parents and normal friends, doing what normal little boys and girls did.  
  
But she hadn't ever told Zack about those dreams. Because she questioned what he'd think of them. Zack   
was no more the dutiful little X5 than Max was, but that didn't mean he bought into all her sentimental   
thoughts of a family and a home. You could take Zack out of Manticore, but you couldn't take all of the   
Manticore out of Zack. Out of any of them. He was still very much a soldier.  
  
And that's what he wanted her to be, didn't he? Wasn't that what all his rules and regulations and contact   
numbers were all about? Being a good soldier, evading the enemy?   
  
And what kind of "good soldier" couldn't look at her CO without wondering what it felt like to kiss him?  
  
Even if you took the whole "good soldier" issue out of the picture, they'd grown up thinking of each other   
as brother and sister. Her feelings for Zack hadn't been sisterly for a long time now. Ever since they'd   
reunited, and since she'd seen what time and maturity had done to him, Max hadn't thought of Zack as a   
brother. She'd thought of him as a man – a very, very attractive young man. If Zack didn't feel the same   
way, then there was no way he could respect her, knowing how she thought of him. If he only considered   
her a sister, then he'd think her feelings for him were creepy or wrong.  
  
Max had always shied away from admitting those feelings for that very reason. She was already almost   
certain that Zack considered love, romantic love of any kind, to be a foolish mistake. The "sentimental lie"   
he'd called it. She couldn't handle having him think of her love as wrong, as well. As some sick, dark   
little secret. Her feelings for him meant too much to her to be thought of that way. As far as Max was   
concerned, their feelings were the only things that kept them from being the heartless automatons   
Manticore had wanted them to be.  
  
But, regardless of what Zack thought, despite all her fears and insecurities, Max wondered if maybe Logan   
was right.  
  
Maybe the only way to move forward with her life, now that she was leaving Seattle behind, was to tell   
Zack the truth. To see what he had to say about it.  
  
Yeah, she might lose his respect. She might see all the disapproval and the disgust shining in his eyes that   
she had always feared, and that would crush her. But would lying to him feel any better? If they stayed   
together long enough, the truth was bound to come out eventually.  
  
Besides, it *was* a long way to the border, after all. Anything could happen. If bad went to worse, did she   
really want to take her secrets to the grave? She needed Zack to know that she loved him, and she thought   
he needed to know that she loved him, as well. He needed to know that he deserved to be loved. More   
than anyone else Max knew.  
  
And, if she'd learned anything from this latest fiasco, it was that you should never wait for anything. There   
was so much she'd wanted to do with Logan, but she'd waited, thinking there was time later. And there   
was so much she'd wanted to tell Original Cindy – about the truth, about how much her friendship had   
meant to Max. How much they'd all meant to her: Sketchy, Herbal, Kendra. Even, by some weird stretch   
of the imagination, Normal.  
  
Now it was too late for any of that. She'd waited and her chance had passed.  
  
"Here's your chance," Logan had told her.  
  
Could she afford to let it pass, too?  
  
'I'll confess now. While I still have that chance,' Max thought.  
  
Then she sighed, pressing her forehead against the cool glass of the windowpane in front of her.  
  
In the morning. She'd confess in the morning.  
  
'Coward,' she chastised.  
  
All the money and manpower that went into creating little 'ol her, X5 459, and she could beat up bad guys   
till the cows came home, but she didn't have but a single shred of courage left in her body when it came to   
Zack.  
  
Then Max realized she had better find that shred, because suddenly Zack was walking into the room. All   
tall, and muscular, with the firelight reflecting in the gold of his hair and in the depths of those baby blue   
eyes…  
  
'Oh, Lord.'  
  
Max swallowed.  
  
Oh, what she'd give for a couple of bad guys to beat up right about now.   
  
  
  



	3. Chapter Three

Blah blah, Kiss kiss  
by pari106  
  
pari106@hotmail.com  
  
Code: M/Z  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: Dark Angel belongs to Cameron, Eglee, and FOX.  
  
  
A/N: Thanks to everyone for all of the great reviews!   
  
  
Blah blah, Kiss kiss, Chapter 3  
by pari106  
  
  
  
  
  
While Max stood in the living room, Zack was standing in the kitchen, watching the storm through the   
window over the sink.  
  
He looked from the window and then to the cabinets nearby. Then back to the window. Then back to the   
cabinets. Debating.  
  
Then, finally, he thought 'the hell with it' and reached in, pulling out a couple of glasses. A few moments   
later he'd found a bottle of wine.  
  
He took a deep breath, and glanced warily at the doorway.  
  
Zack wasn't used to this sort of uncertainty. He was always sure of himself and his surroundings. He had   
to be or people could die. He had to keep his head in the game or Manticore would win. He was totally in   
control at all times.  
  
Except when he was around Max.  
  
Because being around Max was a whole different game altogether.   
  
He didn't like the way she unsettled him, even as he admitted to himself that her ability to do that to him   
was probably what kept him wanting more. He was always telling her she should be more like him –   
follow the rules. But he knew the thing that fascinated him about her the most was the way she'd managed   
to break out of the mold Manticore had made for her. He envied the ease with which she made a life for   
herself – a real life. One with real people in it, not just other soldiers or casual acquaintances you couldn't   
even tell your real name. He'd told her often enough that that kind of life was going to get her killed –   
actually, he'd meant it. He still meant it. But he envied her anyhow. He told her it was foolish to stick   
around Seattle, but when she refused to leave, he stuck around, too. Watching her.  
  
He wasn't even certain as to when all this happened. When he went from wondering how Max could live   
the way she did, to wondering what it would be like if he could live that way, too. With her. He wasn't   
certain when her determination to be "normal" had stopped being absurd, and had started being endearing.   
  
Nonetheless, he was standing there, uncertain. And not knowing what to do with the uncertainty.  
  
So he stood there, debating. He looked from the wine, and then to the door. And then back to the wine…  
  
Then, when he realized what he was doing, again, he cussed, horrified.  
  
'Oh, for fuck's sake…'  
  
Was he a soldier or wasn't he?  
  
Then he walked up to the doorway…and stopped in his tracks.  
  
Max was standing there by the window, watching the same rain he'd been watching only moments before.   
Her dark hair was shining in the firelight, which illuminated everything else about her, as well: her eyes,   
her skin…  
  
Maybe that was a trick question.   
  
Then he shrugged it off.  
  
'Suck it up, soldier,' he ordered himself, finally striding into the room.  
  
He had to keep his head in the game. Especially now that the ball was finally in his court.  
  
  



	4. Chapter Four

Blah blah, Kiss kiss  
by pari106  
  
pari106@hotmail.com  
  
http://www.geocities.com/pari106/damain.html  
  
Code: M/Z  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: See last chapter.  
  
A/N: Sorry, this took so long to get up! We just moved so my computer's been down. Please review!  
  
A/N: Oh, and if you like this story - please head over to my website and check out the other M/Z I have in progress. I'm only going to post that one once I get some reader input, since I haven't decided whether or not to continue with it. All of the Zack and M/Z sections of my page are new and under construction, but there is the fanfic, my favorite Zack and M/Z pictures, and even a few rather pathetic attempts at creating my own M/Z wallpapers ;) I'd really appreciate your checking it out and telling me what you think. Okay? Alright. On with the story, already...  
  
Blah blah, Kiss kiss, Chapter 4  
by pari106  
  
When Zack entered the living room, he saw Max standing there by the window, and he felt a sharp pang at   
the look on her face.  
  
He'd gotten what he'd wanted. He was going to get her out of Seattle. He had no idea if he could keep her   
out, if he could keep her safe. And he was under no illusions that she might ever return the feelings he had   
for her. He was her big brother, her CO. He was the guy always busting her ass about leaving town. He   
wasn't Logan.  
  
But at least he was going to get her out. And, eventually, she'd see that he'd been right. She'd realize why   
they'd had to leave. But in the meantime, she was hurting. He could see it. She looked so…lost, and   
confused.  
  
Zack hated seeing her that way. He hated that he was partly to blame for her melancholy because he was   
taking her away from Seattle. And he hated feeling guilty for wanting to take her away from Seattle. He   
wanted to take her somewhere Lydecker couldn't get to her with all his political connections and Manticore   
goons. Somewhere Logan couldn't get her killed with all his crazy notions of fighting for the little man.  
  
Zack remembered watching Max and Logan in the car; watching them kiss goodbye. Seeing Max in the   
older man's arms…  
  
Zack's grip tightened on the bottle in his hand.  
  
It didn't matter how he felt about this mission. The objective was getting Max out of Seattle – there was no   
way around it. He had to keep her safe. He just had to. Everything else she'd lost today by choosing to   
leave could be dealt with later.  
  
'You'll see, Maxie,' he thought. 'It'll be alright. I'll make it up to you, I swear it.'  
  
Then Zack finally strode into the room and set down near the fireplace, opening the wine bottle and filling   
a glass. As he'd known she would, Max took this as her cue to join him and sat down on the couch.  
  
And then Zack had to silently curse his own nervousness, because his hand had begun to shake as he   
poured the wine, hoping Max wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary.  
  
"I thought you wanted to keep moving?" she asked. "Be over the border by dawn?"  
  
'Shit.'  
  
Zack shrugged. "Got a secure night's lodging. Might as well take advantage."  
  
He handed her her glass and smiled. In the first time in as long as he could remember Zack really smiled.   
This was how it should be – him and Max. Together. Maybe not exactly how he'd like, but at least they   
were together. They didn't need an address or a penthouse like Logan's to be happy. He wanted Max to   
understand that.   
  
"Here's to you finally doing the smart thing and leaving Seattle," he told her in an impromptu toast.  
  
Too impromptu. 'That didn't sound right,' he thought. Zack regretted the words the second they left his mouth.  
  
And Max just stared down at her wine. "Right," she responded, quietly, finally. She didn't even look at   
him.  
  
'Oh, Max…'  
  
Zack hadn't meant to make light of what Max was giving up. He knew how much her life here meant to   
her. But he was just too happy to have her here to join her in her sorrow. There was so much he wanted to   
tell her. It seemed like he'd never had the chance to just talk to her, but now he did. He just didn't know   
where to start.  
  
Should he tell her that he'd loved her even since they were children? That he'd spent most of his days after   
the escape not sleeping because of the nightmares he had about not being able to find her? Should he tell   
her how much he needed her? How she was the only one who'd ever been able to make the nightmares go   
away?  
  
Zack wanted to tell Max all of that. But he started with a safer topic.  
  
"I remember, the morning of the escape…" That got Max's attention, as did another of his all-too-rare   
smiles. "…getting into town around seven a.m. The streets were just starting to fill with people. Not   
soldiers, or doctors, just regular people on the way to work…"  
  
Zack laughed.  
  
"It scared the hell out of me," he admitted. Funny, but even now, he could feel that same naïve fear   
prickling at the back of his neck. That frightening feeling of newfound freedom. He reveled in the feeling   
every day he was free of Manticore, even as he looked back at that first morning and laughed at his own   
obliviousness. "As far as I was concerned," he explained, "they were all the enemy and I was completely   
outnumbered."  
  
Max smiled. "I know the feeling," she said.  
  
Zack gazed down at the golden liquid in his wineglass, shuffling the drink from one hand to the other, his   
eyes unfocusing in thought. In his mind, he was eleven years old all over again, wondering through   
Wyoming in the wee hours of morning.  
  
"I climbed up to the top of an office building in downtown Delalo just as the sun was coming up. It was   
my first morning as a free man." Zack said that part proudly. He could still feel the sun on his face and   
hear the traffic down below. Every sound had seemed amplified. Every person, every car, every tree had   
seemed to stand out in the dawning sunlight. It was as if he were suddenly looking through new eyes…  
  
"And the whole world looked different…"  
  
'It was like…'  
  
"It was like it was in color all of a sudden," Max whispered.  
  
And Zack just nodded, slowly. Like the world was in color. The way it was when Max was near him.  
  
He tried to shrug off the intense emotion of the moment, but the power of Max's words hit him like a blow.   
She knew him so well; they were so alike…  
  
Zack looked up, capturing Max's large, brown eyes with his blue, and the moment suddenly seemed   
charged with electricity. He was perched on the table across from her, only inches away. The firelight was   
dancing in Max's hair and in her eyes and in the wine. And they were so close. Zack was so close.   
  
All he had to do was just lean over those few inches. Then he could touch her like he'd wanted to, so   
badly, for so long now. He could kiss her, wrap his arms around her and just hold her and never let go…  
  
'Get your shit together, soldier,' the command suddenly came, unbidden, to Zack's brain.  
  
But it was no use. No amount of self-discipline or residual Manticore dogma could keep the   
uncharacteristic softness that came to Zack's eyes as he looked at Max now. Nor could it tame the   
ironically fierce desire that shone there, as well. Zack felt a hum in his blood when he was around Max that   
he only ever felt in battle otherwise. And that hum was singing through his veins now, so loudly that he   
couldn't hear good reason cautioning him to retreat. Couldn't listen to his own admonitions, echoing in his   
head about the dangers of getting to close.   
  
He was already too close. Max wasn't his. She could never be his. She needed him for a protector, a   
leader, maybe a friend, but she could never need him the way he needed her. If he pushed her too far all he   
would accomplish would be losing her completely. She'd get spooked and run straight back to Seattle, and   
straight back to Logan and Zack knew all this…but he was too close to turn back.  
  
He was too close to listen to his own admonitions. All he could do was watch the firelight and indulge in   
the feeling of connection that he'd found with Max and no one else he'd ever known. And suddenly he was   
reaching out to stroke her hair, not being able to resist feeling the silky strands beneath his fingertips any   
longer.  
  
Zack ignored the questions and the surprise that rose in Max's eyes at the gesture, and searched beyond   
them for understanding.  
  
'Please God…if there is a God…let her understand.'  
  
"I know I've been hard on you, Max," he told her. "But I'm just trying to keep you safe."  
  
Max had been watching Zack closely, wondering, wanting. Was she just imagining it, or did he…  
  
But at his final words, Max looked away. Her heart sank even as she appreciated the devotion behind   
them. She had to be imagining it. She couldn't be seeing what she thought she'd seen in Zack's eyes.   
Something a little bit like what she felt when she looked at him.  
  
"…just trying to keep you safe."  
  
"I know," she told him.  
  
He was always trying to keep her safe. It was what he did. And how did she repay him? By sitting here   
trying to impress all these unwanted emotions upon him. 'Jeez, girl, get a grip. Zack doesn't think of you   
that way. Why can't you just step up to that?'  
  
But she couldn't quite take her own advice to heart, and Zack misinterpreted the look that suddenly crossed   
her face. Max didn't see it, but a little muscle in his jaw flinched.  
  
"You're gonna miss him…aren't you?" he asked, keeping his voice carefully neutral. Despite that, the   
thought of Max and Logan together once again tore through him.  
  
Max kind of smile, not knowing what he was thinking. But the smile didn't reach her eyes.  
  
"You think that's stupid," she said. She didn't even ask, she felt that sure of her statement. And she looked   
almost…were those tears at the corner of her eyes?  
  
Zack shook his head. "No," he told her gently. "Actually, a part of me wants the same things: friends, a   
place where I belong…"  
  
Then Zack took a deep breath. He looked at Max without moving, without breathing.  
  
'This is the moment of truth, soldier,' he thought…  
  
Oh, screw that. He wasn't just some soldier. He was Zack. And he loved Max.  
  
"…someone to care about," he finished.  
  
'You, Max,' he thought. 'I want to be able to take care of you.'  
  
It was the closest Zack had ever come to admitting his feeling for Max aloud. Now it was totally up to her   
whether or not he went any further.  
  
"Thought you said it was a 'sentimental lie'?" she asked, and Zack thought she sounded breathless. Or   
maybe that was just him. He felt like all the air around them was suddenly too thick to inhale. His heart   
was beating like mad and there was electricity coursing through his veins…  
  
"Even I have my moments of weakness," he said with a smile.  
  
Max just looked at him. Then she leaned in a little closer, and said the first thing that came to mind before   
she lost her nerve.  
  
"Am I one of them?" she asked.  



	5. Chapter Five

Blah blah, Kiss kiss, part 5  
by pari106  
  
pari106@hotmail.com  
  
Code: M/Z ; Rating: PG-13; Disclaimer: …Cameron, Eglee, FOX…you know the drill.  
  
  
  
Blah blah, Kiss kiss  
by pari106  
  
Zack blinked.  
  
"What?"  
  
Max smiled. It wasn't exactly what one hoped for in a romantic evening, but then, Zack's charm didn't lie   
in his poetry.   
  
Besides, under the circumstances, Max figured the shock and – was that fright? – that crossed Zack's face   
was appropriate. And the lack of any other, more negative reaction urged Max on.  
  
Her hand was shaking slightly, as she set her wineglass aside, but her gaze didn't waver as she looked at   
Zack.  
  
She spoke softly. "I said, am I one of them? A moment of weakness?"  
  
Silence followed.  
  
In that silence, Max began to wonder if perhaps she and Logan had been wrong all along. But he was   
sitting so close to her. The atmosphere was so charged she felt like the heat coming from the fireplace was   
being generated by she and Zack alone. She'd never gotten the chance to study his eyes like this before.   
She'd never noticed his scent before – which was funny, considering their advanced sensibilities. Logan   
never wore cologne, but Zack did. Max couldn't place what kind, but Zack's scent was half of that and half   
just himself. And it was driving her to distraction.  
  
And he'd smiled. Max had gotten the rare privilege of seeing Zack smile. She'd heard laughter in his   
voice. Now she wanted to kiss that smile and hear him laugh again. She wanted him to touch her hair   
again. She wanted him to hold her, and to take comfort in his strength and control.  
  
Because she certainly didn't feel very in control.  
  
Max felt hot and light-headed and giddy and so damned in-love…  
  
And Zack wasn't acting like the same, cold, objective-oriented CO he sometimes was. He wasn't looking   
at her the way a brother would look at his sister.  
  
So, when the intimacy of their conversation seemed to reach a peak, Max had spoken without thinking.   
Without planning.   
  
And now she realized she might as well keep going forward, because it was too late to go back.   
  
Max could almost sense Zack's thoughts. Should he explore this new development, or retreat for   
consideration and then redeploy? She could see it in his eyes, and it was so Zack it made her heart quicken   
just a little, but Max couldn't let him pull away just yet.  
  
She reached over and put her hand on both of his, where they were folded around his glass. He watched   
her movements with the same keen wariness he used to watch everyone and everything. Then, when it   
looked as though he might say something, she reached quickly over and a put a finger to his lips. "Wait,"   
she said.  
  
It was a mistake.   
  
If she had been feeling feverish before, that was nothing compared to what Max felt when Zack's lips   
touched her fingertips. But even as the act made her knees weak, it bolstered her courage. Because she   
saw the same spark of desire in Zack's eyes, at that moment, as the one she knew was burning in her own.   
  
"Just wait. Let me say something."  
  
"Max…"  
  
Zack stared at her, totally at a loss. Had he fallen asleep while they were talking? He had to be dreaming.   
But Max's hands on his own seemed real enough. She was close enough that he could feel her breath on   
his cheek as she spoke.   
  
"I guess Manticore would call caring a weakness," she was saying. She was looking into Zack's eyes, and   
they both felt the urge to look away, to hide the secrets they were keeping from each other for just a   
moment longer, now that they were so close to letting them go. But neither looked away. "But I don't   
believe that," Max continued.  
  
Zack set his glass aside, as well, his eyes never leaving Max's face.  
  
"Of course I care about you, Maxie," he said carefully. 'This can absolutely not be happening…'  
  
Max's gaze faltered then, for just that moment, her nervousness and fear finally getting the best of her. But   
she kept her hands on Zack's, turning them over until she could link her fingers with his own.  
  
"I know," she told him, taking a deep breath. "I'll always appreciate your taking care of us, Zack," she told   
him. Then she looked up at him again. "But that's not the only kind of caring I'm talking about."  
  
Zack's own anxiety lingered, but beneath it an irresistible spark of hope began to ignite. A hope he'd never   
really thought could ever be realized until now. And suddenly a little bit of that hope began to seep into his   
expression, making him want to smile. Only the blood-churning desire raging through him kept him from   
doing so.  
  
He swallowed. Hard.  
  
Then he leaned in even closer, once again raising a hand to Max's hair. But this time, he went right past it   
and cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand.  
  
"What kind of caring are you talking about?" he said, his voice soft and low.  
  
Max's breathing quickened, and she just stared at him as he lowered his gaze to her lips. Then, with a   
daring Zack hadn't thought he'd had outside of battle, he closed that final inch between them.  
  
"This kind?" he asked, nearly whispering.  
  
And then he kissed her.  



	6. Chapter Six

Blah blah, Kiss kiss  
by pari106  
  
pari106@hotmail.com  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter one; Rating: Okay, kiddos, this is where the story starts to swing between PG-13   
and NC-17. So skip this part if you don't have the stomach for that sort of thing.   
  
A/N: I know this story is taking up an awful lot of chapters, but I'll probably condense the whole thing   
once its finished.  
  
  
  
Blah blah, Kiss kiss, part 6  
by pari106  
  
When Zack's lips touched Max's it was like an explosion for both of them. So much wanting and wishing   
and waiting had preceded that kiss. They'd both pined for one another for so long, that now they came   
together with a passion they'd never experienced before.  
  
As she'd known they would be, Zack's kisses were just like the man himself: confident, bold. If she were   
to use militant terminology, Max would say it was a take-no-prisoners kind of kiss. But there wasn't   
anything militant about Zack in that moment. His kisses were demanding, but they were also surprisingly   
tender, as well. He was such a complex man, even at this. One moment, he was suddenly pushing her back   
into the couch she was sitting on, his hands holding her face to his in an iron grip, his lips coming down   
upon hers with a power that was numbing. And the next, those same hands were lightly caressing her skin,   
those lips were barely even nipping at hers, making Max want to plead for more. And the whole time, their   
bodies were pressed together so that there wasn't an inch between them. Zack's lean, muscular frame   
completely covered Max's softer, though nonetheless equally fit physique.   
  
Max had had a few lovers before, taken in a moment of heat. But right now, what she was feeling with   
Zack surpassed all of her previous experiences. She wasn't going through one of her cycles, but she felt a   
burning and a need within her that she'd never felt even when she had been through them before.  
  
And, in the midst of all this, Max must have made a sound. They were both breathing heavily. Every now   
and then, when Zack's lips met hers with particular force, or when her tongue met his in a particularly   
provocative fashion, Zack would groan. But when Max made that sound, something somewhere between a   
request and a prayer, Zack somehow managed to pull back. Just an inch. Just enough to let her go if she   
were asking to be released.  
  
What he didn't know was that Max was asking for the exact opposite. She didn't ever want Zack to let her   
go.  
  
Still, he somehow managed to remove his mouth from hers. He was lying on top of her on the couch, and   
her face was still in his hands. During all this, Max had helped him out of his jacket and now her fists were   
balled up beneath his sweater, resting against his chest. When he pulled back, she splayed her fingers out,   
resting her palms against his skin.  
  
Zack had to close his eyes and will himself to keep breathing and not simply force himself upon her again.  
  
"What are we doing?" he managed to grind out from between his teeth.  
  
Max wasn't about to let him go now. Even if she had misinterpreted the affection she'd seen shining in his   
eyes for her earlier, Max knew there was no interpreting the desire he was feeling for her now. It was there   
in his eyes, in his expression, in the roughness of his voice, and in the hardness of his body pressed next to   
hers…  
  
Max resisted the urge to whimper, and leaned upwards, planting kisses on the side of Zack's neck.  
  
Zack's breath came out in a hiss.  
  
"We're doing what I've wanted to do for way too long," she whispered.  
  
Hearing Max's words, entertaining the thought that Max had wanted him just as badly as he'd wanted her,   
effected Zack's body and soul. But he held back, even still.  
  
"Are you sure? It's so soon. Maxie, you just left…"  
  
"Shh." Max nipped at his ear, planted a kiss on the Adams apple of his throat. His hands fisted so tightly   
in her hair that it stung. "I'm certain," she told him, trying to press herself closer to him if that were   
possible.  
  
She loved the feel of him, the taste of him. She loved the way he called her "Maxie. She loved him. She'd   
never been certain of anything like she was of that.  
  
Zack, however, wasn't so sure. He'd seen how distraught Max was earlier. She was leaving her home   
behind, her friends and her job. And Logan.  
  
"Max…"  
  
Zack's hands traveled from her hair down to her shoulders. He'd meant to put some distance between   
them, but instead he found himself caressing the expanse of skin now beneath his fingertips, running his   
hands up and down her arms. Max's hands were travelling over his chest and his back.  
  
"Zack…"  
  
Max continued to kiss his throat, then she stretched upwards to capture his mouth with hers once again.  
  
And Zack groaned.   
  
Just like that his will to resist had left him. There was just so much temptation Zack could take, and he'd   
wanted Max for so long. He couldn't just let her go now, could he?   
  
There were so many reasons why he should. 'She's not herself,' he told himself. They were here, sipping   
wine in front of a fireplace, she was feeling uprooted and lonely and they were staying the night in Cale's   
fucking cabin, for crying out loud. Wouldn't he be taking advantage of Max if he made love to her now,   
like she was? What if she regretted it in the morning? What if it wasn't really him she wanted, just the   
comfort of being intimate with someone, anyone. She'd never seemed to have these kind of feelings for   
Zack before. Had the circumstances of the situation made her own up to feelings she'd always had? Or   
were they simply making her believe she felt that way? And how exactly did she feel? They hadn't talked   
about that. Max had mentioned their "caring" for one another, then she'd kissed him. What did that mean?  
  
There were a lot of reasons why Zack should stop, now. A lot of questions he didn't have the answers for.   
But he didn't. He knew there was a good chance he'd hate himself for it, but he didn't stop. He couldn't.   
Even though it tore him up to think about the consequences, he just couldn't. What if he were taking   
advantage of Max and she regretted it in the morning? He could almost live with being that convenient,   
comforting someone. One of those moments of weakness they'd talked about. Because he loved her that   
much. But he wouldn't be able to look at himself in the mirror anymore if Max ended up hating him for   
this, or hating herself, which would be so much worse.   
  
He didn't, couldn't, stop, but he entertained the idea that he could try.  
  
The temperature between them was rising again, as was the frenzy. Zack kissed Max with all the passion   
he was trying so desperately to contain, and Max met him every inch of the way. She felt so good, so soft,   
so right beneath him; she tasted of some indistinct sweetness.  
  
Their hands were everywhere, and suddenly their boots were gone, as was Zack's sweater.  
  
When they rose, and Max reached for his shirt, just as his hands her inching hers up her stomach, Zack   
paused again. Max was still tugging at his shirt, so Zack grabbed her wrists. "Stop. Maxie, stop," he told   
her.  
  
Then he rested his forehead against hers, his whole body shaking with need, and his breathing labored.  
  
"Max…if we're going to stop this, we have to stop it now."  
  
He had to be sure she knew what she was getting them into. After this, it wouldn't just be a few kisses   
they'd have to deal with. After this, Zack knew neither of them would be able to settle for anything less   
than everything.  
  
Max finally stilled, resting there in Zack's arms, letting herself think about what he was offering. A way   
out. Did she need one?  
  
'Hell no.'  
  
Up till this point, Max hadn't let herself think about going backwards – she was hell bent on taking what   
they'd found with one another forward. She hadn't wanted to dare stopping, because she knew if she   
stopped and lost here nerve, then she'd regret it for the rest of her life. She'd never forgive herself for   
passing up perhaps her only chance to be with the man she loved.  
  
Of course, she realized she might end up with regrets anyhow. If Zack felt differently about her in the light   
of day…if this was just one of those 'moments of weakness' he mentioned…it would crush her. But not as   
badly as knowing what she could have had, but didn't.  
  
"I don't want to stop," she told Zack.  
  
Zack breathed deeply, and his eyes fluttered closed again.  
  
"I don't want to hurt you, Max," he pleaded.  
  
And Max swallowed. To be honest, she was a little afraid of that, herself. She'd only ever made love to   
humans before. She had no idea what to expect from one of her own kind. From Zack. He had so much   
pent up passion inside of him… And she knew what he was capable of. Knew his strength. She'd seen the   
hunger, the stark hunger in his eyes…  
  
It did frighten her a little. But it also exhilarated her. This was Zack. She trusted no one in the world so   
much as Zack. And no one could ever be the match for her that he was.  
  
Max pulled back, looking into Zack's eyes, seeing the need there once more, and shivering with the need   
she felt stir in response.  
  
"I'm a big girl," she said. "I can handle it."  
  
That hadn't been what Zack had meant, but he didn't say so. He couldn't, because she was running her   
hands up his chest once more. And this time, when Max tried to divest him of his shirt, Zack let her.  
  
Then there was silence, and stillness, as they just sat there, staring at one another.  
  
Max took in the sight of muscle of smooth, tanned skin before her. She swallowed. Then she slightly   
smiled.  
  
"Besides," she said, her voice just the slightest bit shaky. "You shouldn't flatter yourself. Who says you   
can handle me?  
  
  
Then she leaned over, and planted a kiss on Zack's collarbone.  
  
For Zack, that was the proverbial last straw.  
  
With something somewhere between a groan and a four letter word, he suddenly pulled Max into his arms,   
capturing her mouth once more, and with one movement of his hands her shirt came off of her with a loud   
rip. Max yelped in surprise, but didn't break their kiss as Zack lifted her, taking them closer to the fire, and   
lying Max down on the rug in front of it. Then he joined her.  
  
The next thing she knew, Max was lying beneath Zack, completely nude as he gazed down at her with what   
Max could almost swear were tears in his eyes.  
  
"You're so beautiful," he whispered.  
  
Max just reached up to cup his face in her hands.  
  
Before she'd known that she loved him, she'd never taken compliments on her looks to heart. What did it   
matter to her if people found her attractive? It wasn't she they should be sending their compliments. As   
she'd said often before, it was all thanks to the clever folks at Manticore. They'd designed her to be   
beautiful. All the X5s were made that way.  
  
But loving Zack had given Max another perspective. When he told her she was beautiful, she felt like it.   
She actually felt tears of her own spring to her eyes. What Zack told her when he looked at her made   
sense, because she felt the same way when she looked at him. She didn't look at Zack and see Manticore –   
she saw Zack.   
  
"You, too," she whispered, smiling when Zack laughed.  
  
But then, as he kissed her, the humor left his eyes. And, soon, the smile left her face. They seemed to be   
moving in slow motion, making up for a lifetime of having been denied one another's touch. Making   
memories that may have to last them a lifetime more, if their plan to get over the Canadian border went   
awry.  
  
Then Max's fingers were trailing down Zack's stomach, heading to the button of his jeans. Zack watched   
her face, waiting. He saw the excitement and anxiety there, but he kept quiet, knowing she had to take this   
step on her own. And Max watched him watching her. He had the most brilliant eyes – Zack did. They   
hinted at all sorts of thoughts going on behind them, but they never gave away what he was thinking. The   
intensity in his gaze could eat right through you. Max felt that intensity now.  
  
She trailed her fingers over his skin, tracing a circle around his belly button and toying with the light trail of   
hair that began there. Zack moaned and buried his face in her shoulder, breathing in the scent of her hair,   
and nipping at her neck with his teeth and his tongue.  
  
Then Max took a deep breath. Forget her heat cycle, making love with Zack was like burning alive and   
loving every moment of it. Finally, she undid that button, and slipped her hands beneath the last barrier of   
clothing between the two of them.  
  
"Maxie…"  
  
Zack hissed in her ear between clenched teeth, his whole body tensing when her touch found him.  
  
"Zack…"  
  
Max stroked him, until suddenly the tension radiating through Zack's body could no longer be contained.   
His kisses went wild and his touch became rough, and Max was swept away in the passion that assaulted   
them both.  
  
Then Zack was shimming the rest of the way out of his jeans and there was nothing left between them.  
  
Max held onto him tightly, as Zack moved between her legs, positioning himself on top of her.   
  
His lips were back at her ear.  
  
"Max…"  
  
As Zack finally entered her, in that last, wild moment before he joined their bodies, Max's every emotion   
overwhelmed her as she held Zack in her arms, as she looked up at the man she loved.  
  
As he finally entered her, she locked her eyes with his, and once again spoke what was on her heart without   
considering it first.  
  
"I love you, Zack."  
  
And then he was inside of her, and neither of them had the capacity for speech for a long while after.  
  
  



	7. Chapter Seven

Blah blah, Kiss kiss, part7  
by pari106  
  
pari106@hotmail.com  
http://www.geocities.com/pari106/damain.html  
  
Code: M/Z; Rating: PG-13; Disclaimer: Cameron…Eglee…Fox…none of this is mine, really.  
  
  
  
  
'I love you…'  
  
'I love you…'  
  
The words echoed in Zack's mind, over and over again, later, after the fire had died down to mere embers   
and Max was sleeping nearby, huddled in the blankets they'd used to cover themselves. They hadn't   
bothered to dress before drifting off to sleep in one another's arms.   
  
Zack didn't bother to dress now. He gently untangled Max's legs from his, easing her head off of his chest   
and onto the soft rug beneath them. Then he slipped out from under the covers, grabbing some firewood   
from a nearby basket and getting the fire going once again.  
  
'I love you…I love you…'  
  
Zack no longer bothered to pretend that the shake in his hand came from the cold. He was kneeling there,   
in front of the fireplace, stirring the now blossoming fire inside. Then he felt a pair of dark brown eyes on   
him, and he stilled.  
  
"You fell asleep," he said, a statement, not a question. He didn't even have to turn and look at Max to   
know that she was now awake and watching him. Max smiled, softly.  
  
"Yeah. Guess I was tired." Her tone was slightly teasing, very careful. What happened earlier had been   
too wonderful for her to feel awkward, but it was also too new for Max to feel exactly comfortable. She   
looked to Zack for some clue as to what they would do next.  
  
And Zack looked back at her. Then he replaced the fire poker back in its holder, and returned to their little   
pallet. Max tried to keep her gaze from travelling the length of him, watching the firelight trace his   
muscles as he moved, but she couldn't quite help herself, so she concentrated on scooting further into the   
covers, making room for Zack when he was back at her side.  
  
They were quiet for a moment. Then Zack pulled her into his arms; into a gentle, comforting embrace.   
They wrapped their arms around each other, and he rested his chin against the top of her head, and both of   
them just wondered about what to say and do next.  
  
Then Zack made a little confession.  
  
"I thought you might be pretending." Max looked up at him in confusion, so he explained, "To sleep. So   
you could hide from me."  
  
"Why would I hide from you?" Max asked, but she knew what he meant. She reached up and traced his   
jaw with one finger. He always seemed to be in a constant state of tension; always at the alert. His jaw   
was tensed now, as if he were facing this "morning after" with her as he would face a battle. Perhaps he   
was. That was Zack, after all. And Max loved him for what he was.  
  
He was so strong. That strength was there in the shape of him, and in the way he carried himself. But there   
was that same old vulnerability there, as well, in the way he didn't quite look at her, and in the tone of his   
voice. And Max loved him even more for that.  
  
"I don't want to hide from you, Zack," she told him, quietly.   
  
Then she drew her hand away, suddenly becoming a bit nervous.  
  
"Should I?" she asked.  
  
Zack was just staring at her again, with those intense, unreadable eyes of his. Max felt like squirming   
beneath that gaze.  
  
But then Zack smiled, mimicking Max's previous gesture by tracing her chin with one of his fingers. His   
expression was relaxed, but his eyes were dead serious as he spoke to her.  
  
"You don't have to hide from me, Maxie."  
  
Max returned his gaze without response, but her heart began to beat faster. Even after having spent the   
evening in his arms, Zack's touch made Max's pulse race like she'd never felt his hands on her skin before.   
And his words were meant to be comforting, but they were so similar to the ones Logan had spoken to her,   
only that morning, that it disturbed Max, giving her an odd sense of foreboding for some reason.  
  
But then Zack was talking again, and Max shrugged the feeling away.  
  
"Did you mean it?" he asked.  
  
He didn't have to specify what he meant – Max knew. She licked her lips, nervously.  
  
"Do you have to ask?"  
  
Zack didn't answer for a moment, then he turned to look at the fire, loosening their embrace just a little.  
  
"I think I do," he told her. "We grew up like brother and sister, Max." There wasn't any of the disgust in   
Zack's voice, that Max had once feared. Just the confusion, but at the same time, acceptance, that Max   
herself felt about the situation. "Now we….Now you say that you love me."  
  
"I don't think of you the way a sister thinks about her brother, Zack," Max told him, taking one of his   
hands in one of her own. Then, quieter: "Maybe I never did."  
  
"Me neither," he said, and Zack sensed Max's surprise, so he shrugged in response, though he had to smile.  
  
"There was just always something…different about you."  
  
Finally, Max smiled, too.  
  
"You, too."  
  
But Zack knew what he had to say before he could allow himself to slip into the intimate moment that had   
found them yet again.   
  
"That doesn't necessarily mean that you're in love with me, Max," he told her, trying to sound as though he   
knew what he was talking about, though to his own ears, Zack sounded the same as he felt. Anything but   
sure about anything.  
  
Max thought about that. The words and his tone. It would be all too easy to let them discourage her, and in   
a way she was discouraged. For a moment there, it seemed as though Zack were feeling exactly the same   
sort of glow that she was in the wake of their lovemaking. Of their discovery of one another. But maybe…  
  
Max shook her head. It didn't matter. She told herself it didn't matter. She'd known there weren't any   
guarantees where Zack was concerned. Whether or not they'd made love, or even if they would again. She   
couldn't let that stand in the way of her being honest with Zack. It wouldn't change the way she felt about   
him, so why let it change the course of action she'd chosen to pursue?  
  
Max raised her chin, just a little, without realizing it. A physical sign of her determination.  
  
"It doesn't have to mean anything, if you don't want it to, Zack," she said, trying not to sound as   
discomforted by the thought as she felt. And just to prove it, she held onto him tighter. "But they're my   
words," she said, firmly. "And I meant them. I'm not taking them back. I know how I feel. I've known   
for a long time. I told you I don't want to hide from you anymore, Zack. So I won't."  
  
She was staring into the fire, now, as well.  
  
"I hope you can accept that," she said earnestly.  
  
After a moment, Zack looked over at her. He sighed, not being able to resist that little lift of her chin, or   
the vulnerability behind it.  
  
"I didn't say I didn't want you to love me, Max. I just don't want the words if they're empty." Zack forced   
himself not to flinch away from Max's gaze when she returned it to him. They'd already bared their bodies   
and their souls to one another. So why hide the truth? He'd already told Max that she didn't have to hide   
from him. So how could he hide from her? Max just stared up at him, afraid to move or speak and thereby   
break the spell that seemed to be weaving around them again. Hoping she was hearing what she thought   
she was.  
  
"It would hurt too much to let myself hope, and then find out you said what you did and didn't mean it."  
  
'Oh, Zack…'  
  
Max smiled.   
  
"Zack…"  
  
"I can understand, Max, if you didn't. You were confused. And we were both pretty caught up in the   
moment. You're upset about leaving, and I…"  
  
Suddenly, Max huffed, breaking right into Zack's ramblings. He looked at her with some surprise, even as   
her smile faded into a frustrated scowl.  
  
"Listen, just what are you trying to say?"  
  
"What?"  
  
Max felt tears prick at the back of her eyes, but she tried to ignore them.   
  
"What is this all about, Zack? Are you trying to say you're having regrets, or…"  
  
"No!" Zack told her, immediately. And his sincerity bolstered her, somewhat, but it also confused her.  
  
"Then what? What do you want? Because I can't figure out whether you're saying that it's okay that I'm   
in love with you…" Zack's eyes flickered, just a bit, with emotion as he heard Max say the words again,   
and seeing that reaction softened Max's voice, deflated her ire somewhat. "Because I do love you, Zack."  
  
Now that she knew she was allowed to say it, Max actually felt so much better when she did.  
  
"I love you," she said again.  
  
"Max…"  
  
"Are you telling me it's okay, or that it isn't?"  
  
Zack sighed again. Max had pulled away, and now he reached over, running his fingertips down one   
shoulder that had escaped the blankets Max had pulled up around herself. They both shivered at the   
contact.  
  
"I'm just trying to give you the chance to make a choice," he said.  
  
"I thought I'd already made that choice when I told I chose to tell you, Zack."  
  
Zack just watched her a moment and they sat there in silence. They moved into an embrace once more, and   
somehow Zack's lips found their way to hers. And after the soft kiss, Zack found himself staring into   
Max's eyes with a combination of awe and dawning belief.  
  
"You do, don't you?" He asked. "You really mean it."  
  
Max wove her arms around Zack's neck, and his hands went to her waist in response. The blankets fell   
down around them and Zack's gaze became heated at the sight of Max's naked body, visible before him   
once again.  
  
"I do," she told him.  
  
"No regrets?"  
  
"Nope. You?"  
  
Zack would have laughed, but that would have seemed irreverent somehow.   
  
So he smiled instead.  
  
"Hell no." Max smiled, too. But their smiles slowly faded. "I've waited for this ever since we hooked up   
again," he told her.  
  
"Really?"  
  
This time Zack did laugh.  
  
"Couldn't you tell? Max…I feel like I've been in love with you my whole life."  
  
'…I feel like I…'  
  
What was that?  
  
"Wha…What?" That was all Max could manage, breathlessly. Zack was still grinning, and he twisted a   
strand of Max's hair around his fingers.   
  
"Sorry. Guess, I haven't told you that yet."  
  
"No, you haven't." Max was just staring at him, awe and joy and this wild exhilaration filling her all at the   
same time. But she was too shocked to speak, and too moved to do more than fight the sudden moisture   
that filled her eyes.  
  
"I love you, Max," Zack told her now.   
  
"Even when we were kids, I felt closer to you than to any of the others. After the escape, I felt lost because   
we weren't together. Then, when I found you again… I went looking for the friend and the sister I left in   
Wyoming, but I found this wild, beautiful woman instead. And I fell in love."  
  
Those sneaky little smiled creeped back up onto both their faces. "I always thought about you," Max   
confessed. "Every day since the escape. I wondered what happened to you. What I'd do if I could find   
you again." Max raised an eyebrow. "Imagine my surprise when I figured out that answer."  
  
She kissed him. Their hands started to travel.  
  
"This is impossible," Zack was mumbling.  
  
"Why?" Max asked.  
  
"All this time…"  
  
Zack looked back into her eyes, pulling back.  
  
"Max…if you've loved me all this time, why didn't you go with me? All this time, why did you stay in   
Seattle when I asked you not to?"  
  
Max sighed, taking Zack's face into her hands. "Staying in Seattle wasn't about not loving you, Zack," she   
tried to explain. "It was about me. Seattle is my home. It…"  
  
And then it hit her. Max realized what she was saying and suddenly stopped.  
  
"I…I mean…"  
  
Zack saw the look on her face, and leaned over, stopping her words with a kiss.  
  
"It's okay. It'll be okay, Max."  
  
Max nodded, but her throat had become thick.  
  
"We had to leave, Maxie."  
  
"I know. It's just…habit, I guess."  
  
Thinking about Original and the gang. Worrying about…  
  
Max tried to push the thought away, but didn't succeed fast enough, apparently, to keep Zack from sensing   
her thoughts.  
  
"And Logan?" He asked suddenly, very still. Max didn't like the edge in his voice. "Is he habit, too?"  
  
Max sighed. She didn't know how she could explain Logan to Zack.  
  
"Logan and I are friends, Zack," she told him.  
  
"You could have been more."  
  
"Yeah," Max admitted. "If I weren't in love with you. But I just wasn't made that way. I love you, Zack."  
  
"But you're still thinking about him, aren't you? Even now, you're thinking about Logan."  
  
Zack's voice was angry, but also hurt, and Max supposed he had a right to be. She hadn't meant to let her   
concerns for Logan interrupt her time with Zack. It wasn't like she thought about him constantly,   
especially not while she was with Zack – she didn't love Logan that way. But he was still important to her,   
and she couldn't just forget him altogether.  
  
Still, the last thing she wanted was to hurt Zack.  
  
"I'm just worried," she told him. "There's something going one with him, I just know it."  
  
Max sighed, looking down at her hands.  
  
She couldn't explain her friendship with Logan just yet. Not while she and Zack were still trying to explain   
their own relationship. And she tried to tell him so.  
  
"Zack, I can't…"  
  
But Zack misunderstood. That's ass she said before his intense gaze was upon her again, this time sharp   
and angry. A little surprised, and also afraid.  
  
"Bullshit," he said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"The hell you can't leave. After what just…you're telling me you want to stay? After all this?"  
  
Zack looked furious. All Max could think was 'What?' Then she got it.  
  
'Oh.' Oh, no….no, no, no, no. That wasn't what she'd meant.  
  
"Zack, I di…"  
  
But Zack didn't let her finish. She saw him move before she realized why. With those super fast reflexes   
of theirs, he was just a blur. She thought maybe he was moving away from her, but suddenly his lips were   
on hers and she was lying beneath him.  
  
She didn't know if Zack were just tired of arguing, or if he was afraid to listen to more of what Max might   
say. Maybe he was just being territorial – Max didn't know. But they'd come too far to let a little   
misunderstanding tear them apart now, so soon. So Max stopped wondering about the 'why', and just gave   
herself up to Zack's kisses. She could explain herself later. She and Zack would have plenty of 'later'   
now.  
  
Before they could go further than kissing and touching, Zack stopped, capturing Max's eyes with his own.   
His features were less severe now that he was holding her, that she was kissing him back with a mutual   
passion that should have seemed contradictory, considering the fact that she seemed ready to go back to   
Seattle again, and leave this new, wonderful something they'd found together. Zack's jaw was still set and   
his eyes were still full of emotion.  
  
He couldn't let her leave him. Not now. Not if she meant what she said about loving him. She'd said that   
she meant it and that she wouldn't take it back. And until she did, Zack couldn't let her go. It would have   
been hard before, but now…now that he'd let himself believe…  
  
What the hell did Logan have over her anyhow? He didn't have the history with her that Zack did. He   
wasn't her CO, her family. He wasn't in love with her like Zack was. He didn't make her feel like this   
when she was in his arms, did he? He couldn't, or else she wouldn't be with Zack now, would she?  
  
"I'm not letting you leave me now, Maxie," he told her between kisses, which were wild now, not fleeting   
between hot and gentle like they had been when they'd made love before. He was kissing her now like he   
was afraid it was the last time.  
  
And Max wanted to comfort him. She held him, and met his kisses silently, even when he was a bit too   
rough. But she was also tired of them playing this little game. Each of them getting spooked and lashing   
out at the other, whether it was with words or accusations or fiery kisses.  
  
"You belong with me, Max," he was whispering in her ear. Max shivered. The way Zack said them, the   
words should have been 'You belong *to* me.' And there was something primitively satisfying about   
being claimed by a mate that shook Max. Something true about the statement. Her heart was Zack's now.   
But her mind was still very much her own. And she didn't like the insinuation that she did anything, went   
anywhere, strictly because of someone else – be that someone Logan or Zack. That insinuation needled at   
her, even through the haze of love and desire that had fallen over them.  
  
With a movement, from her position on her back, Max used her X5 strength to flip the both of them over,   
so that she landed on top of Zack, with him lying under her, looking up at her in surprise.  
  
"And what about you, Zack?" she asked, dead serious. "Where do you belong?"  
  
She looked into his eyes, searching. He obviously needed some sort of reassurance that she meant to be   
with him. But for her to give him that, Max needed some sort of reassurance that he meant to be with her.   
He said he loved her. That he didn't want her to leave. But if all he ever did, himself, was leave, what did   
that mean lay ahead for them? A life of these little, stolen moments? Moving from one strange town, to   
another, seeing Zack only when it was convenient with his busy schedule as CO? Waiting for him to   
breeze in between meetings with the other X5s? If he didn't believe in staying in one place long enough to   
belong, how did he feel about staying with one person, even one that he claimed to love so much?   
  
"Where do you belong, Zack?" she asked again. "Because you're right, I belong with you. I want to be   
with you. As long as you want that, too, there's nothing you have to worry about," she told him.  
  
Zack didn't answer, but he did reach up, gently cupping her face. Then cupping her breast. And before   
she could resist, Max leaned over, kissing him. Zack grabbed her by the hips, and soon they were joined   
once again. Demonstrating their belonging to one another in a way that didn't require words.  
  
  



	8. Chapter Eight

Blah blah, Kiss kiss, part 8  
by pari106  
  
pari106@hotmail.com  
http://www.geocities.com/pari106/damain.html  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter one; Rating PG-13  
  
  
  
Blah blah, Kiss kiss, part 8  
by pari106  
  
Max and Zack continued on like that for the entire night, making love and cuddling and talking and making   
love again. They repeated the process over and over, until they were both too exhausted to move or speak,   
lying there in one another's arms, watching the fire die out again and the sun start to peak out of the   
horizon.  
  
They'd continued to open up to one another, talking about all sorts of topics but one: Logan. Any time   
Max even tried to mention his name, Zack wouldn't listen. It was so frustrating.  
  
Especially now that Max needed to talk about Logan the most.  
  
Something was wrong.  
  
Throughout the night, Zack had so filled her world that he had completely eclipsed any concerns Max had   
about anything else. But there, with the dawn on the horizon, Max's concerns came back with a   
vengeance.  
  
Something was extremely wrong.  
  
Not just anything could have cut through the euphoria Max felt with Zack. But the sudden, odd pang of   
foreboding that had unexpectedly assaulted her that morning had.  
  
Something was extremely, extremely wrong.  
  
What would it hurt? One phone call, just to make sure. What would it hurt, just to call? She would   
explain it to Zack if he woke up.   
  
Just one phone call to check up on Logan. That was all she needed.  
  
One phone call. That changed everything.   



	9. Chapter Nine

Blah blah, Kiss kiss, part 9  
by pari106  
  
pari106@hotmail.com  
http://www.geocities.com/pari106/damain.html  
  
Rating: PG-13; Disclaimer: See chapter One.  
  
  
  
Blah blah, Kiss kiss, part 9  
by pari106  
  
As the phone receiver fell onto its hook, Max just stood there, heart   
beating wildly, mind reeling.  
  
'Oh, God…'  
  
Bling's words rang in her ears over and over again.  
  
"He collapsed at home this morning…"  
  
Max bit her lip to sway the tide of emotions that overcame her. It sounded   
too familiar. Didn't you hear that sort of thing all the time on the news?  
  
"…was found, early this morning, in his home…"  
  
The same old cliché; the expected fate of rich, old men – passing away in   
their sleep.  
  
But Logan was 32.  
  
He was thirty-two fucking years old.  
  
And he wasn't just some man – he was Logan.  
  
And he was dying.  
  
'Oh, God…'  
  
Max knew it just as surely as she knew Bling wouldn't have admitted it if   
she'd asked. Logan was dying.  
  
Max's first impulse was to hightail it back to Seattle as fast as she could   
fly. It had taken them, what? Forty-five minutes yesterday? And Logan   
drove like a little old lady. Max could make it in ten.   
  
Fifteen tops.  
  
All she had to do was get dressed, grab her boots…  
  
That's when Max froze in her place. She looked down at the thin blanket   
wrapped around her. The only thing wrapped around her.  
  
And in a flash it came back to her – her lack of attire wasn't the only thing   
between her and Seattle.  
  
Max glanced back to the fireplace, where Zack was still sleeping. They'd   
moved to the coach earlier, with him sleeping on his back, and Max   
sleeping on top of him, her head pillowed on his chest. Zack had one arm   
under his head, and the other lay across his stomach.  
  
And the sight of him knocked Max to her knees.  
  
Oh, shit. Zack. What the hell would she do about Zack?  
  
She couldn't just leave him – not now. Not ever.   
  
But she wouldn't be leaving for good, right? She just wanted to see if she   
could help Logan. She'd be back, she told herself. But even as she did so,   
Max knew this was a lie. Yeah, she'd want to come back. She didn't want   
to leave in the first place – she just had to. But she knew there was no way   
she'd make it out of Seattle if she went back there now. Lydecker would   
have her within the hour.  
  
Still…  
  
She couldn't just leave Logan this way. No way. But could she leave   
Zack? He'd never understand.  
  
But Zack isn't dying, Max reasoned with herself. Logan is. If Zack's life   
was in danger, would she risk everything for him? Damned right. Without   
even a thought.  
  
'But you love Zack,' Max continued the internal argument with herself. It   
was only right she feel that way about him. But she loved Logan, too. So   
what if it wasn't the kind of love she had for Zack. She couldn't just let   
him die. If he'd been okay, that would be one thing. She would stay with   
Zack. Hell, she had stayed with Zack. She was here with him right now,   
wasn't she?  
  
But the situation was different now.   
  
What would she do? What else could she do?  
  
Max crept back to Zack's side, kneeling by the coach, torn.   
  
What else could she do? If she left Zack, he would be angry; hurt. She'd   
lose him. And that thought hurt.  
  
But he would be okay.  
  
If she left Logan he might die. He might die anyhow, but she had to know   
if there was a chance she could help. If only by being there with him.  
  
And if Lydecker got her afterwards…  
  
It would be hell. She didn't even like to think what would happen to her   
back at Manticore. But if she spent her whole life turning her back on the   
people she loved, just to keep running, wouldn't that sort of defeat the   
purpose of why she ran in the first place? She ran from Manticore so they   
couldn't take her soul. The things about her that made her who she was.   
But leaving a friend to die; choosing her own life over his…  
  
What made Max who she was was her ability to care more about men and   
women then about missions. And if she left Logan now she would be   
denying that part of herself that made her more than just some Manticore   
killing machine. She would be sacrificing a man's life for her mission to   
escape. She would keep her soul. But she would lose a little piece of her   
spirit.  
  
And this wasn't just about that; about her or about Logan. It was about   
Zack, too. She wanted Zack to learn that there was more to life than a   
mission. More to living than the struggle to survive. How would she do   
that if she left Seattle now? If she turned her back on someone important   
in her life just to survive? It would be like she was buying in to Zack's   
philosophy on how they should live, and as much as she loved Zack, she   
couldn't do that.  
  
Max felt the tears slowly start to fill her eyes and spill down her cheeks.  
  
If there was any other way…  
  
But there wasn't. There wasn't even the option of waking Zack to say   
goodbye. He would never let her go willingly. He certainly wouldn't go   
with her. Max wouldn't want him to, anyhow. She wouldn't risk his   
freedom like that, even if she was prepared to risk her own.   
  
And he wouldn't believe her if she told him how she meant to come back   
to him. She did. If she had to suffer Manticore's clutches and escape all   
over again, she would come back to him. What she'd told him that   
morning was true – they belonged together. She belonged with him. He   
was her home. And Max always found her way home. But if she didn't   
go to Logan now, not only would she lose him, but she'd also lose her   
chance to show Zack how much that sense of home and belonging meant   
to her. She'd miss her chance to show him that sometimes belonging   
meant sticking around for the ones you loved, despite the consequences or   
even because of them. She had to make him understand that. Even if it   
meant her getting captured, or even killed. At least she would know that   
she'd given him the chance to understand. The only way Zack would ever   
have something similar to a normal, fulfilling life would be if he   
understood.  
  
So Max had to go. And she had to go without saying goodbye.  
  
But this was easier said than done.  
  
As her tears fell, Max knelt there, studying Zack's features; trying to   
memorize everything about him just as he was now. Knowing she might   
never see him again. Even if she escaped Lydecker again, she might never   
see him like this. Peaceful; trusting. He might never trust her again. She   
might never hear his 'I love you' again, or be able to tell him how much   
she loved him. She might never again hold him or kiss him or make love   
to him.  
  
And all she'd have to comfort her in her loss were her memories of this   
time with him, and her shaky reassurances that what she'd done was right.   
It was all she could take with her.  
  
And all she could leave in return was a gentle kiss placed on his forehead.   
  
Then she quickly dressed, as quietly as she could.  
  
And then she slipped out the door.  
  
  
  
**** ****  
  
  
  
Zack wasn't like Max.  
  
He couldn't just sleep or not sleep as he chose.  
  
He needed his rest. Although, granted, he needed a lot less than a human.   
Each X5 was instilled with a stamina and an endurance superior to any   
norm. On average, an X5 could go a good 48 hours without rest. And,   
being born and bred for command, Zack had learned that he could make it   
a full 72 before his coordination began to suffer.  
  
And Max didn't need to sleep for more than a few hours at a time, but she   
usually chose to. And when she did, she slept soundly.  
  
Zack rarely slept peacefully. He was always too much on the defensive to   
do so. He considered the fact that he even needed sleep to be an acute   
design flaw.   
  
But with Max, things were different. Suddenly, lying there with her, Zack   
slept. He didn't just rest; he slept. Soundly. It was the first time in a long   
time that he allowed himself the privilege. And he'd needed it after a day   
of running and a night of making love with Max.  
  
Max seemed to need her sleep, as well, Zack noted with an irresistible bit   
of pride. And for Max, sleeping soundly meant sleeping like the dead as   
far as Zack was concerned. He'd once watched her sleep for a full hour   
and she'd never stirred. If he'd been a sniper, she wouldn't be here right   
now.  
  
Zack, by comparison, awoke at the slightest sound. Sleeping soundly or   
not. He could wake instantaneously, and act just as quickly.   
  
So Zack was still asleep when Max rose that morning. But not for long.  
  
When Zack awoke, the first thing he did was make an assessment of the   
current situation. It was just habit. He'd wake up and take stock as his   
memory returned to him. This morning, there was quite a memorable   
night to take stock of, as evidenced by his noticeable lack of clothing and   
unfamiliar surroundings.   
  
He'd been with Max. Unbelievable, but true.  
The second thing Zack did, upon waking, was to take notice that said   
night's companion was no longer where she had been, sleeping atop his   
chest.  
  
And then he heard her voice.  
  
"…you answer Logan's phone?"  
  
Zack had just been about to open his eyes when those words stilled him.  
  
Logan.  
  
"Why are you at a hospital?" he heard her ask next, her voice oddly   
pitched.  
  
Zack knew where the conversation was headed. He regretted the concern   
in Max's voice, and it wasn't as if he didn't care what happened to the   
other ma. He and Logan had their differences, particularly where Max was   
concerned. But he didn't really have anything against him. And as much   
as he resented the risk he presented for Max, Zack also appreciated what   
help Logan had given her. And the both of them.  
  
And Zack had known something was wrong. Yesterday, when he'd gone   
to Foggle Towers, he'd found Cale looking like hell and popping pills.   
And those weren't aspirins he was popping, either. He hadn't liked it.  
  
But he liked the thought of Max going back to Logan even less.  
  
And the first thing Zack felt when he heard Max on the phone was anger.   
Surprise, perhaps a little bit of betrayal. Disbelief and hurt. But he   
focused on the anger.  
  
And, angry or not, the concern in Max's voice cut him, so he just lay there,   
listening.  
  
Even after she hung up, he listened, eyes closed, breathing even. Knowing   
she thought he was still asleep.  
  
He hadn't meant to deceive her, or to be dishonest. Partly, he just didn't   
know what else to do. And partly, he couldn't believe it. He just couldn't   
believe that she'd really do it.  
  
She wouldn't go back there now, would she? And throw away her   
freedom, her life?  
  
And at the back of all that lurked the thought: 'Our life?' The life he   
thought they might truly have a shot at building together. She wouldn't   
just throw that away, would she? For Logan? She wouldn't just leave   
him.  
  
Zack couldn't believe it. And a part of him needed so badly not to believe,   
that he had to prove it to himself. Max wasn't going anywhere.  
  
But she was.  
  
Zack sensed her kneeling beside him. The urge to open his eyes and take   
her in his arms and just beg her not to go was frighteningly strong. But   
somehow Zack resisted.  
  
'She won't go…she won't go…'  
  
And for a moment, Zack thought he was right. Max wasn't leaving. he   
felt her lips gently brush his forehead and he was certain Max had done her   
debating in her mind. And she had decided on Zack. On freedom.  
  
But the moment passed and the next thing Zack heard was the sound of   
someone dressing. Quickly.  
  
His eyes snapped open, but still he couldn't move. He just lay there, in   
shock, as he heard Max slip out the door.  
  
And he lay there a moment more before realization truly dawned.  
  
His fears had been correct. She *was* leaving. She *was* just throwing it   
all away – her freedom, her life. Him. For Logan.  
  
And before Zack had hid his hurt and betrayal behind his anger. Now   
everything else disappeared beneath it as well, as Zack saw red. He pulled   
on his jeans and sweater in record time, and was out the door after Max   
before she'd gotten more than a foot away from the cabin.  
  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter Ten

Blah blah, Kiss kiss, part 10  
by pari106  
  
pari106@hotmail.com  
http://www.geocities.com/pari106/damain.html  
  
Rating: PG-13; Disclaimer: See chapter One.  
  
  
  
Blah blah, Kiss kiss, part 10  
by pari106  
  
  
Max had barely gotten out of the cabin when she heard the front door open   
and slam shut behind her.  
  
She whirled, and saw Zack come running towards her, pulling on his   
sweater as he went. Looking very angry.  
  
Max's heart leapt into her throat, but she stood her ground.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?" Zack asked, coming off the porch.  
  
"I'm going back."  
  
"You can't be serious!"  
  
Max turned, forcing herself to walk away. It was hard enough just to   
leave. She knew leaving him like this would be worse.  
  
"Logan's sick," was all she could say. "I have to be there for him."  
  
"The mission is to get you into Canada…"  
  
The mission. The damned mission.  
  
Max stopped and turned back. Was that all he could say? And the edge in   
her voice was more a result of hurt and sorrow than it was of any anger she   
might have felt towards Zack. But there was an edge there all the same.  
  
"Well, I'm changing the mission," she said.  
  
Zack blinked.  
  
Just like that? No explanations? No excuses? Not even, perhaps, a   
'Sorry, Zack, for letting you love me then dumping you for Logan Cale' ?  
  
That shade of red Zack had been seeing returned in a dark crimson.  
  
He reached out for Max in anger, and at the back of his mind he realized   
this was not a wise way to woo the woman you love. But he wasn't   
thinking like a man trying to win a woman over. He was thinking like a   
soldier whose command had just been challenged. And he was thinking   
like a lover who had just been jilted. Neither made for a very charming   
result.  
  
"You wanna take me on, Maxie?" Zack asked, his voice low and   
dangerous. Outraged that she would defy him. The epitome of the Alpha   
male. He pulled Max into a defensive hold. "Well go ahead."  
  
"Zack…"  
  
Max felt her own irritation begin to peak. Damn it, couldn't they even   
squabble like a normal couple?  
  
And the net thing she knew, she was on the ground, where Zack had   
pushed her.   
  
"Get your head in the game, soldier," came the command. And Max   
wondered if Zack even realized how much he sounded like Lydecker when   
he talked like that.  
  
The thought took Max back to her feet in an impressive backwards leap,   
and she and Zack immediately began to spar.  
  
"Think I'm not in the game?" Max demanded, angry now, as well.   
  
Then she flipped the both of them at once, bringing them both down on the   
ground with a little thud. She landed right on top of Zack.  
  
"Think again," she told him, just a little breathless.  
  
Silence.  
  
It hit them both at that moment how incongruous it was for them to be here   
like this, fighting, when they'd been making love only hours before. It   
was too much for Max to handle.  
  
She pushed up and off of Zack, turning her back before he could see the   
tears in her eyes. After a moment, she heard Zack rise to his feet, as well.   
And she wondered if he would press the matter, but he just stood there.   
  
"Fine," he told her, finally. His voice low and hard. Max looked at him.  
  
"But don't think you're gonna make it out of there."  
  
He looked away for just a moment, and for once that tough guy CO act   
faltered just a bit.  
  
"Zack…"  
  
But then the moment was again gone and Zack's emotions were hidden   
behind that trademark mask of his.  
  
"Maxie, you're throwing away your freedom," he said, as if pleading with   
her.  
  
And Max looked away.  
  
'You're throwing us away,' Zack was thinking. 'What about us?'  
  
Max was gazing in the direction she knew Seattle to be. She hadn't   
expected Zack to understand this. Even after all that had been said and   
done last night, she didn't expect him to buy into the whole concept of   
love as she saw it. Risking your freedom to be with someone, anyone –   
that was the "sentimental lie", right? Zack might be closer, now, to   
changing his outlook than he was before, but that didn't mean that he was   
there yet.  
  
Max hadn't expected Zack to understand. But she'd known what to expect   
if she had to try and explain to him. She'd known to expect a lot of   
heartbreak. She'd been right.  
  
She turned back to him, eyes sad.  
  
"Consider it a moment of weakness," she said quietly, suddenly tired.  
  
And suddenly realizing that the words were a mistake.  
  
The second she spoke, Max realized that Zack had taken her response the   
wrong way. He flinched as though she'd hit him, and after a moment she   
realized he thought she was referring to their time together here at the   
cabin.  
  
'Oh, no. No, no, no…'  
  
"Zack…"  
  
But it was too late. Without another word, Zack turned and walked away.   
It was all he could do. He felt as though the breath had been knocked right   
out of him, and he wouldn't have been able to talk even if he knew what to   
say.  
  
"Zack!"  
  
Max watched him walk away. Seemed like she was always watching him   
walk away. And she began to cry again, but she didn't follow.  
  
There wasn't time for this. She'd known that he wouldn't understand.   
She'd known there wouldn't be any time to make him understand. Logan   
was hurting, and it could already be too late. Going after Zack now would   
accomplish nothing. Even though that was all she wanted to do.  
  
So she just watched him walk away.  
  
And then Max turned and walked in the opposite direction.  
  
  
  
**** ****  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter Eleven

Blah blah, Kiss kiss, part 11  
by pari106  
  
pari106@hotmail.com  
http://www.geocities.com/pari106/damain.html  
  
Rating: PG-13; Disclaimer: See chapter One.  
  
  
  
Blah blah, Kiss kiss, part 11  
by pari106  
  
Max sat by the hospital bed, staring at the blank monitor nearby. Logan   
was no longer connected to it. He no longer needed it. He was going to   
make it.  
  
Logan was going to make it.  
  
All that happened, all that had been sacrificed, had not been for naught.  
  
Logan was going to live.  
  
And Max knew she should be overjoyed. Some part of her was. It would   
have torn her in two if Logan had died and she'd done nothing. It would   
have destroyed her if Logan had died even after she'd done what she had.  
  
Max was overjoyed that Logan lived. But she couldn't really grasp onto   
that feeling right now. She couldn't feel anything. She was just…numb.  
  
A total contradiction in and of herself, considering her red-rimmed eyes,   
red from having cried, non-stop, for nearly a day. Regardless, she was   
numb.  
  
Then she heard Logan stir.  
  
Logan slowly drifted back into consciousness, and after he'd finally   
shrugged off the remains of a night's dream, he turned to where he sensed   
Max sitting near him. He gave her a weak smile, and Max even managed   
to give him one back, her broken heart leaping just a little at seeing him   
alive and awake once again.  
  
"Hey," he told her.  
  
"Hey," she simply replied.  
  
Logan had woken once before and they'd talked, briefly. He'd talked to   
Bling. He'd heard about what happened. How Max came and donated her   
blood to him; how she saved his life. How the police came for her, but   
how it didn't matter, because then they let her go. About how…  
  
Max felt her emotions rise up within her once again, and she pushed the   
thoughts away, resolute that she would not cry again. Not just yet, not   
here in front of Logan. Not again. She took a shaky breath, trying to   
ignore the concerned stare she knew Logan was placing upon her, even   
now when it was he who had almost died the day before.  
  
Max busied herself wheeling over his dinner tray.  
  
"Lunch," she said, faking a casual tone. She picked up the lid to reveal the   
untouched meal beneath, and wrinkled her nose. "I figured you'd be   
napping all day, but the nurse insisted on leaving it. For you or me, I don't   
know. I couldn't eat it. Guess I don't have much of an appetite…"  
  
Suddenly, Max realized she was rambling and abruptly stopped.  
  
"Hospital food," Logan drolled, even though the humor of his tone didn't   
reach his eyes. He grabbed Max's hand, pulling her back down into her   
seat and closer to him. "The one thing even the Pulse couldn't make   
worse," he joked, but he didn't smile.  
  
He squeezed Max's hand and his concern finally broke through the neutral   
expression he'd tried to effect for the sake of Max's composure.  
  
"Max…"  
  
"How're you feeling?" Max suddenly asked, squaring her chin as if she   
were forcing herself to remain calm.  
  
Logan's jaw tensed just a little, hating the dark feelings that tormented her.   
But he understood her need to remain in control, and he played along.  
  
"Pretty good," he told her, finally letting her hand go. "Must be all this   
supercharged Manticore blood I got in me."  
  
Max just nodded. The gesture seemed frantic to Logan. Max wasn't even   
looking at him. Slowly, a single tear slipped down her cheek.  
  
Logan reached up and brushed it away.  
  
"I can't believe you came back," he said, truly awed. His voice was low   
and quiet with it. He had found a friend in Max the likes of which he had   
never known before. When he thought of what she'd risked, just for him.   
Of what she'd lost…  
  
Logan's own eyes began to sting.  
  
Finally, Max's eyes found his. "I had to, Logan," she told him, her voice   
shaking. This time, when Logan took her hand, she squeezed back. "I   
love you," she told him.  
  
Logan smiled at her, gently. "I know," he said. His grip on her hand   
tightened. "But not like you love Zack."  
  
Max didn't answer. For a moment, she couldn't. Her next words escaped   
her lips, but dissolved into a sob before she could even form a sentence.  
  
"I just can't believe he…that he'd…he'd do that…for me…"  
  
Then she started to cry outright.  
  
"Max…"  
  
Logan pulled Max into an embrace, holding her as she cried. He   
swallowed back his own emotion.  
  
"He cares for you, Max," he told her as he rubbed her back, consoling.   
"And I don't mean like a brother," he said, willing Max not to interpret   
Zack's sacrifice as being something she should feel guilty for. He didn't   
want that for her. And he had a feeling Zack wouldn't want that for her,   
either.  
  
He pulled back, allowing Max to sit back up so he could look her in the   
eyes once again. Her sobs quieted just a bit.  
  
"You know that now, don't you?" he asked.  
  
Max nodded.  
  
"But I…" She shuddered, finally pulling back all the way into her seat,   
needing the little bit of distance to recover herself. She wiped furiously at   
the moisture on her cheeks. "I couldn't just leave you, Logan." Her eyes   
suddenly became angry, bitter, that anger and bitterness warring with the   
guilt and sorrow that shook her. "That's what we X5s do best right? Run?   
Leave. Every time things get too hot we bail. On everything and   
everyone. Relocate and redeploy, right? Just like good little soldiers."  
  
Logan knew Max was being unfair to herself, to her family, and he   
realized she probably knew this, as well. But she had to vent now, so   
Logan let her.  
  
"I had to stay," she continued. "Not just for you, but for me and Zack,   
too."  
  
Max's eyes went out the window behind her, then to the hands folded in   
her lap.   
  
"I guess I just wanted to show Zack that sometimes…" Her voice   
quavered once again. Oh, God, what had she done? "That there are some   
things worth not leaving."  
  
She looked back to Logan, and found sympathy in the gaze he returned   
her.  
  
"Looks like he already figured that out," Logan told her quietly.  
  
Max was silent for a moment. "Looks like," she repeated, softly. Then   
she began to weep again.  
  
"Max…"  
  
Then Max was on her feet.  
  
"The thing is…" She wiped at those tears again, this time the anger in her   
voice being directed completely towards herself. Along with her pain.   
Her sorrow and her fear and her regret…  
  
Zack had been captured. No, worse. He had surrendered. He had   
surrendered himself for her. He'd gone back to Lydecker, to Manticore –   
the place he'd always said he'd rather die than step foot in again, and he   
had meant it – he'd gone back for her.  
  
All that Max had thought she was sacrificing by returning to Seattle had   
been nothing compared to what she'd truly lost. She'd lost Zack. Not just   
his love or his companionship or his approval. She'd lost him. And if he   
didn't make it out of Manticore; if no one could get him out, he'd lose   
himself. He'd die. Because he would never turn, Max knew this even if   
she knew nothing else. Zack would never let Manticore bend him. He'd   
let himself break before he'd do that.  
  
And so he was lost. And it was because of her.  
  
"The thing is," Max continued, "…that he was worth not leaving, too."  
  
Max wrapped her arms around herself as she wept, shaking.  
  
"But I did," she lamented, torn. "I left him, Logan."  
  
She sat down on the edge of Logan's bed and let him once again rub her   
back, being there for her.  
  
"You would have gone back," he offered eventually. "If you could have,   
you would have gone back."  
  
"Does that matter?"  
  
"Yes, it matters," Logan insisted. "You didn't know what Zack would do,   
Max. You never would have left if you did."  
  
Max looked at him. "Of course, I…"  
  
Logan shook his head. "No," he told her firmly. His eyes found hers and   
the look there told her he was serious. "You wouldn't have. Max, I   
wouldn't have wanted you to." Logan's own guilt was beginning to show   
itself. "Not if I knew what your coming back was going to do to the both   
of you," he finished, quietly.  
  
"Logan…"  
  
Their hands found one another yet again, and they just sat there. In   
silence. Max didn't know what else to say. She didn't know what else she   
could have done. She didn't know what she would do now. She simply   
didn't know anything anymore. And that numbness that had overtaken her   
had disappeared like vapor. All those feelings churning around inside of   
her stabbed at her now like daggers. All she knew now was that she would   
have those feelings for a long time.  
  
Finally, when Max's torment had quieted once again, Logan spoke.  
  
"You would have stayed with him if you could have, Max. You would   
have come back to him. That does matter. It matters because you'll know   
not to make the same mistake again."  
  
Max looked at him, afraid to let his words give her hope, but unable to do   
anything else.  
  
"There will be a next time, Max," Logan told her, forcefully. Needing her   
to believe that. Knowing she needed to believe it. "If anyone can get back   
out of there, it's Zack. He'll be alright. He'll be back. And you won't   
leave him again."  
  
Max just sat there, absorbing the words. As she did, she was reminded of   
a time only days ago. A time that seemed so long ago now. Before the   
wanted poster and the night at the cabin and the fateful day after. A time   
when she'd thought Zack was the one who always left. When it was Zack   
who walked away.  
  
Funny. Max had a lot of experience watching Zack walk away. But she'd   
always imagined it was harder watching, than it was walking. She'd   
thought that he'd had it easier, being the one to leave.  
  
Now Max was the one who'd left; who'd walked away.  
  
And now she knew she'd been wrong.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. Chapter Twelve

Blah blah, Kiss kiss, part 12  
by pari106  
  
pari106@hotmail.com  
http://www.geocities.com/pari106/damain.html  
  
Rating: PG-13; Disclaimer: See chapter One.  
  
A/N: Okay, kiddos, this is it! The very end…until the sequel ;) If I can ever get to it.   
Hope you liked it!  
  
Blah blah, Kiss kiss, part 12: Max's POV  
by pari106  
  
"I always wondered how I'd react if Zack were captured.  
  
Even when we were children, before I knew I loved him, before I knew   
about love, I knew how much he meant to me. But then, he meant so   
much to all of us – all the X5s. I knew it would hurt if something   
happened to him.  
  
Or so I thought.  
  
I knew nothing.  
  
I had no idea anything could be as painful.  
  
Seeing Zack captured destroyed a little part of me. It didn't hurt. It felt   
like someone took away my sould, but it didn't hurt. Because that isn't   
pain. Pain doesn't come close.  
  
Pain I can do.  
  
Cause I'm a survivor, right? I'm a fucking soldier. I survive. Maybe it's   
the way I'm made, or the way I was trained. Or maybe it just comes from   
years of making it alone in this fucked up world. I don't know. But I   
survive.  
  
But when I walked out of that police station and I saw what "perp" had   
confessed…when I saw Zack…  
  
There were three soldiers walking with him. Three more at the jeep that   
took him away, all armed to the teeth. Smart men. Trying to take Zack in   
with anything less than an assault rifle would have been suicidal. But he   
wasn't resisting. He just let those soldiers lead him away. His head was   
held high, his expression neutral. No fear; no concern; no anything, really.   
A good soldier. And he was walking with that same swagger that was   
always in his walk, only now it was more pronounced because he was   
trying not to trip over the chains around his ankles…  
  
Fuck, they had chains around his ankles. Around his wrists. I swear to   
God, nothing has ever hurt me worse than seeing those chains on Zack.   
They might as well have put chains on his soul. That's what they'd done   
really. Those chains were little links of metal keeping him from taking off.   
They were the physical embodiement of everything Zack had ever hated;   
everything he'd ever despised; everything he'd ever been ready to give his   
life to avoid. They were the physical embodiement of the loss of his   
freedom – the thing he valued most.  
  
When I walked out of the station and saw Zack, all I could think about was   
the way his face had looked sitting there in the cabin, in front of the fire.   
The way he'd looked when he'd described his first morning as a free man.   
I'd seen it in his eyes then, how much his freedom meant to him. How   
he'd die before he'd ever give it up again.  
  
But he hadn't died. He hadn't run. He hadn't left me to the foolish fate   
I'd secured by returning to Seattle. And he hadn't fought the guards as   
they led him away. He *had* given up his freedom. For me. He was   
giving up everything I'd seen shining in his eyes that night, all for me.  
  
At that moment, when I walked out there and saw Zack, I didn't want to   
survive anymore. I wasn't a soldier any longer. Genetics and training and   
experience didn't mean shit. I didn't want to survive. I wanted to die.  
  
I don't even know what happened after that. I can vaguely remember   
Logan's friend, Matt, talking to me, looking concerned, warning me not to   
do somethig. What could I have been trying to do? I don't know. Maybe   
anything. My sanity left me then.  
  
Maybe I was trying to run after Zack? I remember how Zack didn't fight.   
Not once. He just let those soldiers lead him away…until he saw me.  
  
He looked up at me. He just suddenly looked up and our eyes met. And I   
don't know what I did or tried to do, but suddenly he railed against his   
chains. He fought hard enough to knock all six guards to the ground, and I   
remember they had to wrestle him into the jeep.  
  
I remember wanting to scream. Wanting to run after them, wanting to kill,   
wanting to die. They couldn't take him. Dear God, they couldn't just take   
him. They couldn't take him back to Manticore and strip away everything   
he'd spent his entire life trying to protect. They couldn't strip away his   
freedom. They couldn't take away what I'd seen in his eyes that night in   
the cabin.  
  
And that's the last thing I remember before waking up in the lobby at   
Metro Medical. I guess Sung must have brought me and I must have   
passed out, and sure enough, there was Bling, beside me, telling me just   
that.  
  
All I did was nod.  
  
I don't think he even asked me anything, but I nodded. That's all I could   
do.  
  
That's when I went numb. All the pain and the anger and the love and the   
hate inside me had just overloaded all those fucked up, genetically   
engineered senses of mine, and I was numb.  
  
So I just nodded, and went to see Logan.  
  
Afterwards, when I could, I went in to work. I don't know why. Perhaps   
for the lack of anywhere else to go where I wouldn't feel the pain beneath   
the numbness. I feel it wherever I go, whatever I do. So might as well feel   
it at work, huh? Make Normal happy.  
  
As if the prick deserves it. He even had the gall to speak to me when I   
went in. But he backed off pretty easy. Good thing, considering the fact   
that he tried to turn me in for murder. But it's no matter, I guess. I'm not   
really angry at him. Boy's gotta make a buck, right? Besides I'm too   
angry at myself to find the time.  
  
And that's when it happened.  
  
I saw the t.v. set there in the Jam Pony lounge, and the news report that   
was airing just as I prepared for my first run. A news report. About a   
helicopter crash.  
  
Zack's helicopter crashed.  
  
It's funny, the things we remember.  
  
Like outside the police station, I don't remember a single thing I said or   
did. But I remember every move Zack made. I remember every second   
our eyes remained in contact before his jeep drove out of sight, or I lost the   
ability to watch, whichever. I remember watching him walk towards that   
jeep, and I remember every single step he took. Every step he took away   
from freedom. Away from me.   
  
I don't remember what I ate this morning, or any morning since that day.   
Or even if I've slept in all this time. But I remember every moment of my   
time with Zack. I remember every word spoken, every look, every smile,   
every laugh. Every touch and every kiss. I remember the feel of him and   
the taste of him and the scent of him, and I cannot fucking figure whether   
that's a good thing or bad. Because remembering is the only thing that   
keeps me sane, but it's also the biggest bitch because remembering is all I   
can do now.  
  
It's funny, the things we remember.  
  
While I watched that news report, all these memories suddenly flashed   
through my brain. Every memory I ever had of Zack. As a child, later, as   
a man. That night at the cabin; the morning after. Watching the soldiers   
take him away. It all flashed through my mind at once. And even being a   
soldier trained in the topography and geography of America's most   
populated states, including Washington, I couldn't remember a damn thing   
about where the reporter said Zack's helicopter crashed. In that moment, I   
couldn't remember anything. Except for my memories of Zack. My   
memories of every single thing about him. Every word he'd ever spoken.   
Every expression I'd ever seen on his face.  
  
And it sounded crazy. That news reporter sounded crazy. She was talking   
about a "wanted criminal"; "no survivors". She wasn't talking about Zack.   
She wasn't talking about a boy who risked his ass with his colonel just to   
bring his baby sister a red balloon. She wasn't talking about a man who   
spent his every moment risking his ass for the only family he'd ever   
known. She wasn't talking about a man with brothers and sisters, with a   
woman who loved him more than anything, with a mission and a stubborn   
streak and a gorgeous smile…  
  
I didn't go on any runs that day. I didn't go home. I didn't go to Logan's.  
  
I came straight here – to "the high place". Up here on the Space Needle.   
I've been here ever since.  
  
I came here to think and to mourn and, maybe, now, after all this time to   
hope.   
  
Zack always said he'd rather die than go back.  
  
And maybe I'm just soothing myself. Or maybe I just know Zack and   
what he's capable of. But I can't help thinking that maybe Logan was   
right. That maybe Zack's out there, somewhere.  
  
That maybe, if he is, then one day he'll come back for me. Give me the   
chance not to leave this time. To show him how not to leave.  
  
So here I am, back in this broken city…  
  
And as long as I'm here, he will always know where to find me.  
  
  
  
The End  
  
  
  
  
…(for now ;)  
  
  



End file.
